


I'll Be Yours Forever (Even Though Nothing Lasts Forever)

by hiddenbetweenshadows



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:26:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22241788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddenbetweenshadows/pseuds/hiddenbetweenshadows
Summary: Girl Group AUJosie, Penelope, Lizzie, Hope, and Maya are in the girl group "Mystic Destiny", which is on a semi-hiatus because Penelope wanted to take time off to travel for a writing and meditation retreat. Before she left, Penelope had pretty rough breakup with bandmate Josie, who the world didn't know she was dating. So, what happens when Penelope comes back from her retreat early?
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson/Lizzie Saltzman, Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 22
Kudos: 217





	1. All I Need

** TMZ Exclusive: After months of speculation, Singer Josie Saltzman and Actor Landon Kirby have finally made their relationship ‘Instagram Official’… **

Josie is currently having Sunday dinner with her step siblings, Maya and Ethan, when the news initially breaks. Her cellphone is currently blowing up with a bunch of notifications, and surprisingly none are from the two people she expected to hear from first.

Although, not so surprisingly, they come both bursting through her apartment doors a couple minutes later.

“You can’t actually be serious, Josie. The thrift-store hobbit, really?” Lizzie asks while storming into the house on her phone.

“Aw, come on, Lizzie! Landon is a total sweetheart and super loyal. Not to mention handsome, what more could she’d ask for in a guy?” Hope says sheepishly trailing in behind Lizzie. “Whatever. You have to say that, you used to date him!” Lizzie exclaims.

“Now that the old married couple is here,” To which both Lizzie and Hope scoff in defiance, ”Josie can you please tell us how the hell you and Landon got together?” Maya asks curiously. “Yeah, I didn’t know you guys were even friends”, Ethan adds.

Josie rolls her eyes and then answers, “Relax guys, we’re not actually dating, we are just friends. But, we both figured it would be beneficial to play up the “relationship”. Landon’s agent wanted him to be in a relationship in order for him to be “more marketable”, and I just needed to shift my focus on anything other than ‘Mystic Destiny’. Without having to answer questions about if a potential new album is coming, I didn’t want to think about… her”.

Hope nods and smiles sympathetically. While Lizzie deadpans, “seriously, Jo? You are still not over Penelope, it’s been like 6 months! You haven’t even spoken to her since she left for Belgium on that meditation and writing retreat! What are you going to do when she comes back, look at her like a lost puppy!”

“Also, no one else besides us knew you and Penelope were dating! Plus, interviewers are going to ask about her regardless since she is a part of the group,” Maya adds.

Josie slams her hand on the table. “Don’t you think I know that? Look Lizzie, I promise I am over her and we can be civil it’s just… I don’t know, things are complicated. Before she left, I said somethings that I definitely shouldn’t have and I feel guilty about it,” Josie replies stubbornly.

Hope laughs, “Oh please Josie, you are definitely not over Penelope. Every single song that you wrote since she’s left is about her and have yet to _actually_ date someone.”

Maya sits down at the keyboard and points at Hope knowingly, “In fact, I think we should refresh Josie’s memory since she can’t seem to remember all the songs she wrote about the Penelope Park. How about we sing one of my absolute favorites”

Hope and Ethan nod their heads enthusiastically as Lizzie just smirks, while Josie shakes her head and says indignantly, “You really don’t need to do that guys.”

“Too late,” Lizzie says as she starts off the song…

_“I’m waking up I long for you My heart always belongs to you_

_I only want to have you for all time_

_When morning comes I’ll still be here_

_Wondering when will you appear_

_I always need to have you by my side”_

Hope and Maya join in, harmonizing the chorus:

_“All I need…_

_All I need is you_

_All I need…_

_All I need is you_

_Is another day to hold you_

_If only to pretend_

_All I need…_

_All I need is you_

_All I need…_

_All I need is you_

_Is another chance to find my love again_

_Give me one more chance to love again”_

They all stop, waiting for Josie to continue the second verse. Josie smiles slightly despite herself, thinking about Penelope as she sings the verse.

_“So tell me what became of you and me_

_So much in love, so young, so free_

_I never thought that we would ever part_

_But something changed and now you’re gone_

_I miss your smile it’s been too long_

_Please say that we can give this one more try._

_[the rest of the chours]”_

Hope and Maya both take turns singing the bridge:

_“All day and night I long for you_

_My heart always belongs to you_

_I only want to have you for all time_

_When morning comes I’ll still be here_

_Wondering when will you appear_

_I always need to have you by my side_

_[the rest of chorus]”_

As the song ends, all of the girls are smiling and laughing with each other. Then, Josie relents, ”Okay, fine I may not be over Penelope yet. But, how can you blame me, I mean, have you seen her!” and everyone laughs in response.

***

After the laughter has died down, Ethan glances at Josie, slightly guilty and cleared his throat. “Uhm, speaking of… Penelope… I’ve, um... spoke to her recently…and shemayormaynotbecomingbacksoonerthanexpected”, Ethan says as he sequentially mumbles the last part.

Hope, Maya, and Lizzie become quiet and Josie’s smile fades and she asks, “What did you just say, Ethan?”

Ethan clears his throat again and replies, “I said Penelope may or may not be coming back sooner than expected…”

Hope mumbles, “Why didn’t she tell me, I’m her best friend.” While Maya questions, “How ‘soon’ is sooner than expected”

He rubs the back of his neck and responds, “Well, she may have mentioned that she is returning within the next week.”

Josie shakes her head in disbelief, “You’re lying! He’s lying, right? She’s not supposed to come home this soon….I was supposed to have time to figure out how to make it right, you know? I just- I didn’t mean what I told her!”

Staring pensively at her sister, Lizzie calmly asks, “Jo, what exactly did you tell her?”

Josie looks down as she replies somewhat quietly, “I might have told her that I hated her for playing with my heart and emotions….. after insinuating that she never really loved me and only viewed our relationship as means to an end and that’s why she never wanted us to go public. I didn’t actually mean it, I was just upset and pissed off because we had just decided to take a break from our relationship.”

“Jo, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say, that girl worshipped the ground you walked on,” Lizzie reluctantly said.

“Then how come it was so easy for her to let me go, huh” Josie interrupted, “When I suggested the breakup, how come she agreed so quickly? Why didn’t she fight for me… why didn’t she fight for us?” Josie says slowly breaking down.

As Hope was about to reply, her phone begins to ring and she glances at the caller ID. “I have to take this, I will be right back,” she says as walks in another room to take the call.

“Look,” Lizzie says while gently wiping her sister tears. “We all know I am not the biggest fan of the Blair Witch.” Josie glares at her and Lizzie suppresses an eye roll. “Excuse me, I meant Penelope. My point is you can’t tell someone to leave, then expect them to stay. It doesn’t work like that sis.”

“I know that logically, but in that moment I-” before Josie could finish her thought the doorbell rang.

“I got it,” Ethan got up and walked away to open the door, surprised to find Landon on the opposite side. “Kirby, what are you doing here?”

“Well, seeing as how the news about us broke today, I figured I would come by and see how Josie is handling everything.” Landon says smiling charmingly. “Right…..come on in then” Ethan said slowly.

Landon steps into through the door and the first thing he sees is Josie, who had just stopped crying, on the floor with Lizzie and Maya beside her. “Josie, is everything alright? What’s wrong?” he asks clearly worried.

“Nothing! It was just time for my daily breakdown.” Josie replies semi-sarcastically to which Landon chuckled in reply. Then he and Ethan sat down on the floor with the girls and conversed until Hope quickly re-entered the room.

“Oh, Hey Landon! Didn’t hear you come in! Anyway, unfortunately, I have to get going, there’s a quick errand I need to run. Jo, I will call you later on to see how you are doing!” Hope said rushing out of the house.

Being the inquisitive person she is, Lizzie noticed how weird Hope was acting so she followed her out the door.

“Hey! What’s going on? You told me earlier today that you had nothing planned for today? Also, who was that on the phone because you guys were talking for a while?” Lizzie asked unable to mask her curiosity.

Hope stopped before getting into her car and sighed. “Penelope. The person on the phone was Penelope.” Hope replied softly and glanced back to the house to make sure no one was listening in on this conversation. “She’s back in town, her plane just landed and she’s headed to our house, Liz.”

Lizzie’s eyes widened, “Seriously?! We have to tell Josie, that way she can prepare herself for when she talks to Penelope!” Lizzie says already walking towards the house.

Hope grabs Lizzie’s hand to gain her attention, “Yeah there’s just one small problem. Penelope doesn’t want to see Josie.” Lizzie looks at her quizzically.

Hope answers her unanswered question, “Penelope saw the tabloids….She knows about Josie and Landon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I Need- *NSYNC (Unreleased)


	2. If You Hate Me

Hope is deep in her thoughts as she opens the door to her house she shares with Penelope, only to find Penelope Park, herself, leaning against the wall of living room in all of her glory. Her arms are crossed and a smirk is gracing her lips.  


“Hope Mikaelson as I live and breathe. Why, I never thought I’d see you again!” Penelope says dramatically in an accent.  


“Shut up, you dumbass! What are you doing here? You told me earlier that you hadn’t left the airport!” Hope chuckles as she grabs Penelope and pulls her in for a hug. “How was Belgium?”  


For just a moment, Penelope’s expression shifts and her eyes glaze over with a faraway look one might interpret as regret. She responds, “Beautiful, of course”  


Hope and Penelope sit down on the couch, talking about anything and everything that happened during the 6 months the latter had been gone. Which included Penelope teasing Hope about her totally apparent crush on a certain blonde Saltzman. Hope replied with an indignant, “it’s not that obvious.”  


“Do you know what your problem is when it comes to Lizzie Saltzman? You’re scared.”  


Hope scoffs, “And what exactly am I scared of ‘Ol’ Wise One’? Oh wait! Let me guess, you think I’m scared that she will turn me down if I ask her out. I hate to burst your bubble-”  


Penelope interrupts her before she can continue, “I don’t think that at all, quite the opposite actually. I think you’re scared to love her. You are afraid to be happy because you think you’ll potentially mess it up.”  


“I really don’t want to talk about this right now.” Hope says tensing her jaw to keep her eyes from tearing up.  


“Fine, just know that it is okay to be scared. But, don’t forfeit your happiness because you’re scared. I know what that is like, and trust me it’s not worth it.”  


“Anyway, what about your songwriting? How has that been? Find any new muses out there?” Hope said wiggling her eyebrows.  


“Nice segue. Honestly, it’s been amazing! You wouldn’t believe the creative atmosphere there. Now, I just have to find some people to sell the songs to. To answer your, not so thinly veiled question, Josie is only muse that matters.” Penelope replies in sad tone. “Anyway, do you want hear some of the songs and give me feedback?” Penelope responds already heading toward the speaker.  


“You know I do. But, there’s one in particular I’d like hear though…” Hope says  


“Oh? And which one would that be?” Penelope asks smirking again.  


Hope puts on a serious expression, “Well, Jo may have told us what she said to you before you left… I want to hear what you feel about it.” As soon as Hope said her name, 

Penelope’s smirk fell and she tensed.  


Penelope stared at Hope for a few seconds and the tension in the air was palpable. Eventually, Penelope broke her gaze and began connecting her phone to the bluetooth speaker.  


Silently, Penelope scrolled through her phone until she found the one song she was looking for and played it….  


_“You and me workin' hard  
This been feelin’ like a 9 to 5 (Yeah)  
Head to head, back to back  
We just can't seem to see eye to eye  
I might be too extreme  
But at least you know that I tried, I fuckin' tried  
Yeah, we can go another day if you want it  
But you know it’s time, yeah, it's time  
You brush it off, that ain't good enough  
We gonna need way more than love if we keep this goin'  
Take a loss, gotta let you be  
'Cause I care way too much about you to keep it goin'  
It's okay if you hate me  
'Cause I’m only tryna think about you, baby  
It’s okay if you angry  
'Cause we don’t deserve all the shit we've been takin', oh whoa  
Say I'ma leave in the mornin’  
You say you hate when I'm goin', yeah  
Tellin' me that you gon' change  
Make me feel like I'm your main  
Tellin' me you had it all wrong  
Wanna see you in a happy place  
But thankful I'm honest, honest  
You brush it off, that ain't good enough  
We gonna need way more than love if we keep this goin'  
Take a loss, gotta let you be  
'Cause I care way too much about you to keep it goin'   
It's okay if you hate me  
'Cause I’m only tryna think about you, baby  
It’s okay if you angry  
'Cause we don’t deserve all the shit we've been takin', oh whoa  
You know that I care and it hurts a lot  
I can't stand around, gotta call the shots  
I can understand if you don't reply  
If you hate me, oh why?  
Waitin' for a while, starin' to the wall  
Waitin' for the words to come, words to come out  
Callin' it out, we've been ridin' this too long  
Waitin' for the wheels to fall off  
It's okay if you hate me  
'Cause I’m only tryna think about you, baby  
It’s okay if you angry  
'Cause we don’t deserve all the shit we've been takin', oh whoa  
You know that I care and it hurts a lot  
I can't stand around, gotta call the shots  
I can understand if you don't reply  
If you hate me  
If you hate me  
I can understand if you hate me”_

Hope looks at Penelope vaguely impressed, “The song is really good Pen, I’m actually surprised at the R&B vibe you have going on with the song. It’s different, I like it.” 

Penelope smiles at her for a moment before she says, “I’m not stupid, you know? I know Josie doesn’t actually hate me. However, it still hurt hearing it. All I want is for her to be happy… and if that is with Landon then so be it. I’m just…trying to work out what exactly to say to her when time comes.”

“Penelope, you came back for her didn’t you?” Hope asked but all she was met with was silence. “Look, this thing with Josie and Landon is complicated, and you should really talk to her-”As Hope was talking the doorbell rings. “Were you expecting anyone?” 

Penelope laughs, “Hope, you are the only person who knows I am back in town. Unless, Ethan figured out that I came back earlier than what I told him.” She says as she walks toward the door.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that because what’s up with that. I mean I am your best friend and bandmate, I deserved to know first.”

Penelope rolls her eyes as she opens the door, only to see Maya, Lizzie, and Josie, who looked very surprised. “Penelope, you’re back” She says still in shock.

“Uh, yeah just got back this morning” Penelope said awkwardly. “Well, enough with the awkward chit chat. We are here to have a meeting about the group.” Lizzie says pushing past her and Maya walks in after her giving Penelope a hug. “It’s good to have you back, Park.”

Meanwhile Josie and Penelope stare at one another, each not knowing what to say. Finally, Penelope settles on a simple, “Congratulations.” Josie looks confused for a second before Penelope elaborates, “For going public with Landon, I am truly glad you found happiness, JoJo” She gives Josie a smile before heading into house where the rest.

Perhaps, Josie should tell Penelope that her and Landon’s “relationship” is one hundred percent fabricated, tell her that nothing could compare to what they had. But, she couldn’t. Or rather, she didn’t want to. Especially, since Penelope had responded like that. She also couldn’t help the bitter thought of ‘I wish we could have been happy together out in the public.’ Josie took a deep breath and entered the apartment closing the door behind her.

“Glad you could finally join us, Josette!” Lizzie says. “We have business to discuss about group, so I figure an ambushed group meeting with every present would do the trick.”

“Aren’t we on hiatus? What business is there possibly to discuss?” Penelope asked already bored.

“I’m glad you asked, Blair Witch. I don’t know if Hope has mentioned it to you yet-”  
“Of course, I haven’t. She literally just got into town today, Liz.” Hope interrupted.

“Whatever no time like present! Anyway, while you were gone we have been talking.” Lizzie responds.

“Okay?” a confused Penelope slowly says.

Maya jumps in and says, “Well, we decided that we don’t want to be on “hiatus” anymore, we really love being in the group. We understand if that’s not what you want right now, and I’m sorry to spring this on you right now. But, we are going do this with or without you. I guess the only question is whether you are in or out, Penelope.” 

Penelope thinks for a moment, “So, you all feel this way?” she says as she looks at each girl. She stops when she looks at Josie, and studies her. However, Josie avoids meeting Penelope gazes, as if she is afraid to hear what Penelope has to say next.

“To answer that question honestly, while I was abroad in Belgium…I had the chance to be on my own for the first time in years. Writing and songs by myself, for myself, and I enjoyed every minute of it.”

That is the moment, in which Josie, Hope, Maya, and even Lizzie’s hearts dropped. They knew exactly what Penelope mouth next. They knew that ‘Mystic Destiny’ as a five piece was soon to be no more. 

At least, that’s what they thought until Penelope finished her statement by saying, “Although I must admit, I didn’t love it as much as I love being in this group. Not to be cliché but I have always thought this group was our destiny and I apologize for suggesting the hiatus in the first place. There is nothing I would love more than going back to writing and playing songs with you guys.”

Before anyone in the room could rejoice at the fact that band was coming back together again. Penelope said those words that turned the room into complete and utter silence.

“But, I don’t think I can do it anymore. I don’t have it in me.” 

And then she stares at the four other girls, with a practiced emotionless straight-faced facade, silently waiting for a response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If You Hate Me- Kiana Lede


	3. 1000 Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope and Josie finally talk. Someone refuses to spill secrets about their past, while someone's present tense secret is exposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah its been a while hasn't it? To be honest, I finish this chapter late January/early February.... I didn't post or update (for a while) because someone in my family passed away and I have not been in good headspace since. Also, not gonna lie, I decided to stop watching Legacies (I haven't seen past the 1st Kai episode) because I wasn't really enjoying it. With that being said, I still want to get back into writing this fic, but I am still not in a good headspace so we'll see how it goes. Either way, enjoy!

“But, I don’t think I can do it anymore. I don’t have it in me.” 

Those words fifteen words kept replaying in Hope’s head. She can’t help it, she’s angry. Hope never had any doubts about the group breaking up, not once, she thought it would be the five of them forever and always. At least, that’s what they all used to say. Maybe, she was just a bit naïve to believe it. Or maybe things change over time and she just has to accept that. But, she couldn’t. Because what Penelope said didn’t make sense at all. Zero bars. 

“You have to be fucking joking, Penelope” Hope finally says, unable reign in her anger, while Lizzie attempts to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder to calm her down. She still angry, but now she’s angry and distracted. How can she pay attention to anything other than Lizzie’s hand on her?

Penelope stalls for a moment before she looks in Hope’s eyes and suddenly bursts out laughing, “I’m just kidding, but you guys should have seen the look on your faces.” 

That seemed to calm Hope down, “What the fuck! Don’t do that you jackass!” she says shoving her best friend. 

“Oh, come on Mikaelson! You know you can’t get rid of me that easily! Always and forever, remember?” Penelope says smirking as she grabs hold of Hope, giving her a side hug.

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that.” Josie mutters bitterly. Honestly, she’s little upset at Penelope’s words to Hope. Because if anyone knows how easy it is for Penelope to leave, it’s her. 

Penelope just stares at her and then chuckles in disbelief. It was in that moment that Penelope realized that they had to have this conversation as soon as possible. So, she took a deep breath, walked toward Josie and lightly grabbed her arm to lead her into another room.

***

“Listen Josie, if you have something you want to get off your chest then just say it.” Penelope says already slightly annoyed.

Josie laughs sarcastically, “Hmm, let’s see….what could I possibly want to say to you.” 

“Josie…. please just say whatever you want to say. Be angry. Tell me you hate me. It’s okay, maybe I deserve it. But, we need to talk about it, if we want to move past it.” Penelope pled.

Josie tries to stop herself from tearing up but she fails, “You really don’t get it do you…. I don’t hate you, I never have and I never will-”

“I know- ” Penelope tries to interrupt.

“Let me finish…. Pen, I don’t hate you. But, I hate the way you make me feel.” Penelope frowns, “I hate the way I can’t stop loving you and I can’t stop. And the sad thing is…I don’t want to. I can’t imagine my life without you in it and it just hurts that you left without fighting for me… for us. And I know that things have been strange since Cass died but you just shut me out and-”

“Do not go there. Do not bring Cassie into this, we will talk about that but not yet. Also, Josie, you initiated the break up! Or did you forget?” Penelope says frustrated, “Not only that, but you’re the one who’s moved on to a new relationship.”

“How did you know about that? Did Hope tell you-” Josie replies with a frown on her face.

Penelope scoffs and feels herself starting to tear up, “She didn’t have to. There are media outlets and sources in Belgium, Josie.”

“It’s not what you think, Penelope! We just-” 

“It doesn’t matter what I think… I just want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.”

“No no no, do not do this. I know that you are not okay with the fact that I may be with Landon. Just say the word and I am yours,” Josie replies crying slightly.

Penelope gently holds Josie face, “Josie, I’m so in love with you it’s unfathomable….but you are happy with Landon, which is why I have to let you go,” but her voice breaks as she says it. “You deserve more than I can offer right now, you deserve better than me.”

Josie shakes her head in protest, while Penelope wipes her tears, “Yes, you do. And it’s okay because one day I will be worthy of your love again. When that day comes, I promise you this-” Penelope says gesturing between the two of them, “will be forever. Hear me when I say that I love you, Josie Saltzman, with all my heart. I know it and you know it too.”

Josie smiles and laughs sadly, “How could you let me go so easily? You did it when you left for Belgium and you’re doing it again!” At this point Josie knows she sounds like a petulant child, but she doesn’t care. 

“You think this is easy for me? Do you think I enjoy seeing your Instagram feed and having pictures of you and Kirby pop up? Of course I don’t. I have always wanted you by my side, and I always will, Jojo. But, I also want what’s best for you and right now I know that isn’t me.”

Josie then asks the one question she knows she doesn’t want the answer to, “You say that you still love with me, and talk about how I was the one who moved on…. does that mean you weren’t with anyone else while you were in Belgium?”

Penelope blanches, “W-w-what? That’s… that’s not important.”

“Of course, it isn’t. You’re so hypocritical.” Josie scoffs and turns away to leave. “Don’t do that, Josie! I don’t want to lie you, but that’s a complicated question.” Penelope says exasperatedly.

“It really isn’t, Penelope. Are you still seeing whoever it is?” Josie decides to ask, again not really wanting to hear the answer, even though she knows she doesn’t have the right to be mad. 

Penelope closes her eyes and sighs in defeat, “Josie…..”

“Just answer the question, are you still in contact with whoever it is?” 

Before Penelope could reply, her phone started ringing so they both looked down at the caller ID and saw the initials, AC, with a rose emoji attached to it, along a picture of Penelope with a beautiful girl. 

Josie clenched her jaw, “Is that her?” Penelope doesn’t respond. So, Josie takes that as a sign and leaves, but not without saying, “You should answer that,” first.

***  


“So, judging by Josie storming out with a confused Lizzie behind, and the slammed door, I assume the conversation with Josie didn’t go well.” Hope says slowly walking into the in home studio, not wanting to set off Penelope.

“Eh, it was fine at first… then let’s just say some things were said and asked, and then Alyssa called. Josie, may or may not, now think I slept with Alyssa so there’s that.”

“Alyssa called? How is she doing?” Maya says perking up a bit. Penelope smiles at Maya’s eagerness, “Machado, calm down. She’s good. She’s said she’s coming here to LA for a visit. She was wondering if she could stay with us for bit….Hope?”

“Alyssa Chang always knows she’s welcome here, and she can stay in the guest room.”

“Yeah, we might need to make sure we keep Josie away from her while she stays here. You guys know how Jo can be when she’s jealous.” Hope laughs, while Maya nods in agreement. 

“Please, Josie has absolutely no reason to be jealous. Plus, she’s the one in another relationship. I don’t see how I’m the bad guy in this situation!” Penelope responds. Hope and Maya just look at each other awkwardly, both knowing that they can’t be the ones to tell Penelope the truth.

“Why didn’t you just tell Josie that you didn’t sleep with anyone?” Maya asks already aware of what happened in Belgium.

“Oh come on, Maya, don’t be naive! Let’s be real, it’s Penelope.” Hope says knowingly.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I really didn’t sleep with Alyssa.” Penelope replies, nothing short of amusement in her voice.

“Yes I know that because I’ve talk over FaceTime with you both, but you’re well….. you! When you’re upset, you get reckless and end up doing things you regret. Plus, I can see it in your eyes that you feel guilty about something. That’s how I know you slept with someone, even if it wasn’t with her.”

Penelope just stayed quiet, and looks away guiltily, trying to hold back her tears for the second time that day. Hope doesn’t quite know the extent of how hard her words hit Penelope, as she doesn’t know what happened Belgium. Hell, Hope doesn’t even know the actual reason she left.

“Whatever, this doesn’t even matter, let’s just make some music. Hope, you’re up first!” Maya interrupts as an attempt to change the subject, while simultaneously pushing Hope into the booth. 

While Hope gets set up in the booth, Maya says to Penelope, “I get that you don’t want to talk about it. But, I know what happen and why you actually left for Belgium. Ethan told me a bit about what went down when he visited you, so if you need someone to talk to just know I’m here.”

Penelope glanced up quickly, “What exactly did Ethan say to you?”

“I think you know, Penelope… I also think you need to tell them what happened and why you left. Especially Josie, she deserve to know everything.” Maya whispers. 

Penelope just shakes her head, “I know that. But, I am afraid because I don’t know if she can forgive me for this. This situation is so much more than just what I did while I was away.” 

“You do know that you are underestimating how much she loves you, right? Because-” Maya starts to say but then she realizes what Penelope was implying. “Penelope, you know that situation with Cassie wasn’t….”

“Hey guys? What am I supposed to even be singing? We haven’t even written anything new!!” Hope interrupts loudly, before Maya could finish this rest of her thought.

“Hope, calm down. I have that song that we wrote with Rafael over FaceTime like a month ago. You know the song in which Lizzie Saltzman was the subject of your desire.” Penelope chuckles and hands Hope a sheet of lyrics, thankful for the interruption. 

While Maya starts up the track Rafael made, Hope rolls her eyes at Penelope and takes a deep breath just as the track plays….

_“Tired, tired, you're all I want, yeah  
It'll be 'til the end, give me nothing I've ever tried  
It'll be the perfect sin, something like the truest lie  
Everywhere somehow, the only place I'll ever be  
As long as you hold me down, oh such a liberty_

_Warm me with your touch, pressure from your fingertips  
Never be enough, I'll do nothing but submit_

_I just wanna feel a thousand hands from you, only you  
Can you make me feel a thousand hands from you, only you?_

_Grab a hold of my soul and make me feel complete within  
You'll be the one to show these goosebumps on my skin  
I'll wear my heart on my sleeve, I need you to feel the pain  
Would you take a bullet for me? Cause you know I'll do the same_

_Warm me with your touch, pressure from your fingertips  
Never be enough, I'll do nothing but submit_

_I just wanna feel a thousand hands from you and only you  
Can you make me feel a thousand hands from you and only you?  
I just want to feel a thousand, from you  
A thousand hands from you  
Just wanna feel a thousand  
A thousand hands from you  
Feel a thousand hands from you”_

“Wow, that was…. Wow. How do you feel?” Maya asks.

Hope sighs, “I feel… better now that I got that off my chest. I thought it was a silly crush that I could get over. But, I am think in love with her, guys. I don’t know what to do”

“Next step is telling Lizzie, I presume?” Penelope asks. 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Pen” Hope replies.

“Why not? Doesn’t she deserve to know how you feel about her? You know how Sebastian treated her, she deserves better. She is one of the best people I know, but if one of you tells her I said that I will deny it.” Penelope says looking at Hope.

“I’ll think about it,” Hope says even though she’s already made up her mind about what she is going to do, or better yet what she isn’t going to do.

The girls continued their conversation and eventually Penelope and Maya laid down their vocals for the song. But, what the three girls didn’t know is that Lizzie had come back to get something she had left after she and Josie left abruptly. She was outside of the in home studio, and she heard everything including the song Hope had just sang, apparently for her....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1000 Hands- Fifth Harmony  
> *Happy 7/27 Day to everyone celebrating or rather happy 8 years of Fifth Harmony! Also, before anyone asks... NO, this fic was not inspired ~that~ ship. I do not ship them. I never have and I never will.... sorry.


	4. Monster In Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does Lizzie feel about what she's heard? The gang goes to an open mic night... you never know who will show up. Also, Penelope has two very [interesting] conversations.

“Lizzie, why are you pacing back and forth? And why aren’t you dressed? We are supposed to meet the gang at the bar in fifteen minutes. It’s open mic night!” Josie asks her sister, only mildly annoyed.

Lizzie stops for a moment, “If you overheard something you weren’t supposed to, what would you do? Because, I think I may have overheard Hope basically admit her feeling for me, and I am slightly freaking out!”

“Why exactly? You have been crushing on her for a while. Now that you know that she feels the same, you’re panicking. How does that make sense? Just ask her out, you know she’s definitely going to say yes now.”

“I would… But, it didn’t seem like she was ready to act on her feelings. If we are going to start something, I want-… Scratch that I need her to be ready. Does that even make sense?” Lizzie says exasperated.

“Oh, you have no idea.” Josie mumbles. “I get what you are saying Lizzie, I do. But, you need to tell Hope how you feel before it’s too late”

“Fine! How about this, I will give her a month to make her move. If she doesn’t, I will take matters into my own hands. Fair?”

“I suppose. Just know that anything can happen in a month.”

“Whatever. So, what’s the deal with you and Penelope? We are not dealing two scorned ex-lovers within our group are we?”

“Please, Penelope literally told me that she was still in love with me. Then, she told me to be happy with Landon! Who the fuck does that?” Josie scoffs. “Not to mention, she slept with someone while she was in Belgium and she’s still in contact with them.”

“Wait, is that seriously why we left their house early yesterday?” Lizzie asks slightly judgmental. “She had the right to sleep with whoever she wants to, Jo…News flash, you two aren’t together anymore.”

“I know that! It’s not the fact that she slept with someone else that has me upset…. well not anymore. It’s that she tells me she loves me, but isn’t willing to give us another chance.” Josie replies.

Lizzie looks at her knowingly, but doesn’t respond. What she really wants to say is, “Of not Josie, she thinks you’re happy with Landon.”  


***

At the bar, Maya, Lizzie, Hope, Josie, Landon, and Penelope were all sitting around the table waiting for the rest of their group to show up.  
“Okay, guys what’s the plan? Who going to sing or are we just here to enjoy the open mic atmosphere? I mean, Penelope just got back so we haven’t had anytime to write any new songs collectively as a group.” Lizzie says.

“Let’s just see where the night takes us” Hope retorts, smiling at Lizzie.

“Yes, but also we should ask Kym what she thinks when she gets here with the boys. She is our manager.” Maya replies.

Five minutes pass, and Maya gets message saying the rest of the crew is almost there. While Penelope scowls as she watches Landon put his arm around Josie and whisper something into her ear. Completely distracted, she doesn’t notice a certain someone head toward the microphone.

“Alright, everyone! How about we continue this open mic with an original song?” Someone says, quickly catching Penelope’s attention, as she would know that voice anywhere.

“Is that…. Alyssa? What is she doing here?” Maya asked very intrigued by the women standing in front of the mic.

“Who’s Alyssa?” Landon asks at the same time Josie discreetly rolls her eyes. Josie may not know who ‘Alyssa’ exactly is, but recognizes her as the mystery girl in Penelope’s phone. Needless to say, she is not happy with turn of events.

“Listen up! My name is Alyssa Chang, and trust me, you are going to want to remember that. Anyway, I wanted to sing a song my friend and I wrote back when we were both traveling abroad.” She smiles wickedly and subtly winks at Penelope.

“You see my friend and I were both just getting out of relationships at the time, and we bonded over that and wrote this song.”

“I am going to kill her” mutters Penelope, while Josie just stares at her questioningly.

“So, I thought this would the perfect song to sing now and share with all you.” Alyssa says as the crowd watches her with rapt interest. “But, before I start, I might as well invite my friend up here to sing with me. You guys might know her from the group, ‘Mystic Destiny’, everyone please welcome to the stage… Penelope Park!”

The small crowd cheers as Penelope walks up to the stage and whispers to her, “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Alyssa?”

Alyssa just smiles and asks, “Is she here?” Penelope nods, “Then you know exactly what I am doing”

“Hey sound guy, can we borrow that guitar behind you?” Alyssa says, looking over Penelope shoulder. The sound engineer hands off the guitar to Alyssa, who proceeds to give it straight to Penelope.

Penelope begins to strumming the chords of the songs as Alyssa starts off the song:

_“ Beautiful creatures, you and me  
Every time that we touch it's dangerous  
This spark is more than chemistry  
Beautiful liars, drowning deep  
Every night we fight and it's hot like hell  
But it feels like heaven between the sheets  
Every time we let go, I scream and I call for more_

Penelope joins in, harmonizing the chorus :  


_Touch me  
Why don't we kill each other slowly?  
What can I say, baby, what can I do?  
The monster in me loves the monster in you  
Hold me  
Squeeze a little tighter 'til we can't breathe  
What can I say, baby, what can I do?  
The monster in me loves the monster in you  
Monster in me mm-mm-mm, mm-mm-mm, ayy, ayy  
Loves the monster in you mm-mm-mm, mm-mm-mm, ayy, ayy _

Penelope begins to sing the second verse, knowing all eyes are on her. But, right now she only cares about a certain pair of gorgeous brown eyes that are currently watching her every move intently:  


_Beautiful killer, cut me deep  
Just a single kiss and I'm under your spell  
Will you go in like I've never seen  
Beautiful fire, love the heat, mm  
Every night we fight and it's hot like hell  
But I love the way that you make me scream  
And every time I let go  
I cry and I beg for more  
Touch me  
Why don't we kill each other slowly?  
What can I say, baby, what can I do?  
The monster in me loves the monster in you  
Hold me  
Squeeze a little tighter 'til we can't breathe (can't breathe, baby)  
What can I say, baby, what can I do?  
The monster in me loves the monster in you  
Monster in me, mm-mm-mm, mm-mm-mm, ayy, ayy  
Loves the monster in you, mm-mm-mm, mm-mm-mm, ayy, ayy (ah, yeah)_

__

For the climax of the song, Penelope pours her heart on line staring directly into Josie’s beautiful eyes, leaving her vulnerable as Alyssa continues sings the last chorus:

__

_Every moment we spend  
Turning from friends to enemies  
And fighting to hold on to each other  
Every second we fall to fire below  
It's so beautiful  
The hell that we both made for each other  
But it's all love and war  
Louder we roar, crying for more  
I know it's so wrong, but baby just  
Touch me  
Why don't we kill each other slowly?  
What can I say, baby, what can I do? (Oh)  
The monster in me loves the monster in you (babe)  
Hold me  
Squeeze a little tighter 'til we can't breathe (can't breathe, ooh)  
What can I say, baby, what can I do? (Baby)  
The monster in me loves the monster in you  
The monster in me, yeah  
(Wanting me, haunting you)  
(Haunting me, haunting you, ooh) Oh  
(Wanting me, haunting you) Oh  
(Wanting me, haunting you, ooh)  
Wanting me, haunting you  
Haunting me, haunting you, ooh  
Wanting me, haunting you  
Haunting me_

__

As Alyssa and Penelope finished, the small crowd roared with applause and she noticed quite a few people had their phones out recording. She knows that soon enough those videos will be all over the internet, she also recognizes that this means that there will now most likely be questions about this mysterious ex is that no one seemed to know about. Speaking which, Josie is currently walking towards the exit in a rush. Even though the lights are slightly dim, Penelope can see Josie wiping her tears as she leaves.

__

***

Logically, Josie knows she should have stayed and introduced herself to Penelope’s friend, and even compliment both of them on their performance. Man, was that one hell of a performance. It was a beautiful song regardless, but the fact that she knows it’s about her…. it carries a different weight. She was just so overwhelmed with her emotions, she didn’t know how she should feel. Josie just wanted to think without all of the background noise. So, she left out the back entrance and sat down on the ground up against the back wall, with her eyes closed.

A few moments later, the back door opened and someone walked out the door. Josie knew who it was even before they sat down beside her.  
Josie opens her eyes and turned her head to see Penelope quietly watching her. “Are you alright, I saw you crying?” Penelope asks softly.  
Josie snorts, “I’m fine, Penelope. Please, just go back inside and introduce your friend to rest of the gang.”

“Alyssa prefers to introduce herself, says it’s better to make a first impression personally.” Penelope says offhandedly. “Either way, at the moment, you are my top priority. You were crying, and I wanted to check on you. I figured it may have something to do with the song. If you want to talk about it, we can. Or, if you wanted to just sit in silence that is find as well. But, I am not leaving you out here alone, and please don’t ask me to” Penelope says looking into Josie’s eyes.

“What do you want from me, Penelope? I am tired and confused, because you’re giving me mixed signals.” Josie asks. “First, you tell me that you want me to be happy with Landon after telling me you love me, then you sing a song about me with your…. whatever Alyssa is to you. Now, you're out here comforting me, and looking at me as if I were the stars in the night sky-”

Penelope shuts Josie up with a searing kiss, and Josie kisses her back without hesitation. After a few moments, Penelope pulls back with her forehead leaned against Josie’s. She says, “First of all, there is no amount of stars in the universe that can ever equate to your beauty.”

Josie chuckles somewhat breathlessly, “Is that really all you got out of what I just said.”

Penelope smiles softly, in a way that is only reserved for Josie. “No, of course not. I’m sorry for confusing you, I just- I honestly do want you to be happy, Jojo. Believe me, I would give anything for us to happy together again. But, you don’t know what happened while I was in-” Penelope stops herself and then takes a deep breath.

“You won’t tell me what happened! Is this because you slept with Alyssa? You don’t have to feel guilty, I promise I don’t care about that. Just please give us chance to be happy. I just want you.”

“Josie, you really don’t understand. I- Alyssa wasn’t the person I sleep with” Penelope chokes out.

“I still don’t care, so what you slept a random stranger” Josie says as Penelope shakes her head. “Okay, or multiple random strangers. Listen to me when I say the I. CAN. GET. OVER. IT! I mean, it’s not you slept with Lizzie….or Maya….. or Ethan ” Josie says trying to crack a joke at the expense of her sister and step-siblings.

Not noticing the panicked expression on Penelope face, knowing that she might lose the love of her life for good as the truth is unfolded.

“Josie….” Penelope says slowly. But before, Penelope could continue her statement, the back door opened.

“Hey Pen, that Alyssa girl said you were out here, I was wondering if we could talk about-” Rafael stops talking when notices Josie is present too. “Oh…nevermind we’ll talk later, I’ll let you guys finish your conversation.”

“No wait, stay Rafael……. I think we’re done with this conversation for now. I text you later, Pen!” Josie says, happy with the progress that she thinks they’ve made tonight.

__

***

__

As soon as Josie shuts venue door, Rafael smirks at Penelope says, “What? I don’t get a hug from one of my best friends that just returned from another country?”

Penelope laughs and jumps on Rafael giving him a great big bear hug. “I’ve missed you, Raf”

“I’ve missed you too, shorty.”

The smile Penelope is wearing somber and before Rafael asks why, she says, “Before I left, I never got a chance to say-….I’m so sorry about Cassie… I never wanted to hurt her. I never meant for her to find my- I never wanted her die.”

“Park, stop. This is what I wanted to talk to you about. No matter what you may think, it wasn’t your fault that she overdosed.”

Penelope laughed disgusted with herself and whispered, “They were my drugs, Rafael.”

“I know. Hell, I’m probably one of the only people who does know what happened and why you left. And I don’t blame you for what happened with Cassie and despite what you think I’m angry at because of that.”

“But you are angry at me, right?” Penelope responds.

Rafael stares at her, trying to figure how to word his thoughts, “Penelope… I lost my girlfriend. I was wreck and for that first month after her death, you were so helpful and patient with during my grievance. You and Landon were the only two people keeping me afloat, then you left and it felt like I lost you too.”

After hearing his words, a tear ridden Penelope tried apologizing again, “I’m sorry-”

“Let me finish, I need to get this off my chest,” Rafael sighs, “You left me, without a proper goodbye and just simple note. Maybe angry is not the right word…. I am still hurt by happened. And don’t get me wrong I understand why you had to leave, we’ve had long conversations about it over skype. I don’t need any more apologies from you, Pen, I forgive you. But in order to heal from this situation completely, I think I need two things in particular.”

“Anything.” Penelope replied immediately.

“First of all, I need you to tell me what exactly happened with Cassie, full story. I couldn’t handle it before, but I think can now. Secondly, I need to know if you are still doing drugs, because as much as I love you and despite the fact that you are one my best friends, I can’t and I won’t be around that. I’ll give you some time to think about if you are willing to tell me everything” Rafael states as he walks toward the door to get back inside and continue the night with the rest of their friends. Leaving a broken Penelope Park by herself with the realization that she has to come clean about everything, prior to and during Belgium. She just wonders who she will lose when she does, one of her best friends or the love of her life. With her misfortune lately, she might just lose both.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monster In Me- Little Mix  
> Happy 9th Anniversary Little Mix and to their fans as well!  
> Stream Holiday by Little Mix to celebrate :)


	5. Cassie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope and Rafael finally talk about that night..... and something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning: Mentions of Drug Use, Overdose*  
> \- If use of drugs or overdosing is triggering for you I suggest skipping that particular section. I have marked where the flashback begins and ends. :)

Penelope took a deep breath to calm her anxious nerves, which doesn’t help as she has already thrown up about three times before she left her house. Honestly, she feels like she’s about to vomit for the fourth time today. She lifted a shaky hand to knock on the door to the apartment shared by Rafael and Landon. After a few moments, Rafael opens the door seemingly not surprised to Penelope at his door. He steps aside to let Penelope in the apartment, “I assume you’ve come to a decision about what we discussed last night.”

Despite her current anxious state, Penelope laughs, “We both know what I was going to choose, not to mention you deserve to know what exactly happened with Cass. Fair warning, I can’t give you all the details because there are some things I don’t know and some things I can’t remember.”

“I understand.”

“Okay, before I begin…. is there anyone else here? I was hoping it would just be us two.” Penelope questions as she sits down on the sofa.

“There’s no one here but me, Landon left with Josie about half an hour ago” Rafael replies without thinking, “ Sorry,” he replies when notices Penelope’s grimace.

“No need to apologize….. let’s just get back to the topic at hand I guess. Although I don’t really know where to start.” She says.

“How about when you started doing drugs… er, as in harder drugs than weed.” Rafael asked.

“Okay, I can do that. I started experimenting with ‘harder drugs’ after my dad died. I found his [extensive] collection of recreational substances locked away in the desk in his study. Along with a sticky note contact of his dealer. I don’t even know why I decided to experiment with his drugs. I was just so numb and angry, I thought maybe it would bring me closer to him in a way or help me understand him better. I hated the bastard, but I wanted to comprehend why the only way he could tolerate me was when he was high or drunk.”

“Penelope…” Raf cautiously said. He knew that her father was rather cold, but he wasn’t aware the man was downright neglectful.

“Anyway, the first time I did it, I saw him, or at least what I perceived to be him. At the time, I thought it was him and I wanted to know why he didn’t love me, why I wasn’t enough for him. I just wanted to talk to him so I keep doing it until I realized it wasn’t him. But by that time, I was already addicted I suppose. In addition to that I just didn’t really care about what would happen to me anymore,” Penelope says devoid of any emotion.

Rafael looks at Penelope with concern and quietly asks, “What role did Cassie play in this?”

Penelope clenches her jaw to prevent herself from crying, “Cassie saw me doing a line of cocaine at in the VIP section of a party a few months later, and asked she could hit it. She only stated she had been doing hardcore drugs for a while, and she was glad she had a partner in crime now. We didn’t really talk about our sordid pasts. From then on whenever one of us had obtained drugs, we would go to her friend’s place and get messed up. Which, might I add, was only like once every two weeks. I didn’t think about how dangerous what we were doing was, not that I would have cared either way. Not, until that night anyway.”

“Wait, before you continue” Rafael interrupts, “I just want to remind you that I don’t blame anything on you. It’s not your fault.”

Penelope attempts to give him a smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes because she knows that isn’t entirely true and soon he will too. She closes her eyes and begins to tell Rafael what happened that awful day…

**_*_ * _ ***** Flashback***_ **

_“Thank you for doing me this favor, Cass. I owe you one big time” Penelope says, taking the bag of white substance from her friend and placing it into her small coded safe, locking it with password combination: her and Josie’s anniversary date._

_“No problem, Pen. How was recording session?” Cassie asks shakily, scratching the crook of her neck._

_Penelope notices Cassie acting a bit skittish but she doesn’t say about. She figures that Cassie will say something when she is ready. “It went fine, I guess. Josie, Lizzie, and Maya were the only ones that were able to lay down vocal tracks. While, Hope and I worked the various productions with the different instrumentals, which ended up being very productive as we got a lot of beats done and those three recorded their parts to like seven songs. Then Sebastian barged in and stole Lizzie to take her somewhere, and then Hope started feeling….. uh, sick. So, we just ended the session early.”_

_“Wait, where is Hope then? Because she’s not here at the apartment” Cassie questioned._

_“Um, I think she and Maya went for a drive…. Hope likes fresh air when she feels ill” Penelope says partially lying. Although Hope does like the fresh air when she’s “sick”, she prefers to sulk alone, especially when it’s about a certain blondie._

_“Ah I see, and Josie? You guys are almost always attached at the hip”_

_Penelope smirked at that and left her room heading toward the living room, Cassie followed closing Penelope’s door behind her but not without taking a quick glance at the safe._

_“Well, she is my girlfriend and we are in a girl group together, so we’re bound to be around each other a lot. Also, we do make sure we have enough time apart which I would like to think is healthy in a relationship. With that being said, to answer your question she went to visit her parents because apparently they had something they wanted to about with her.” Penelope replies, omitting the fact that Maya and Ethan are with her._

_Cassie pensively stares at Penelope for a second before she tentatively says,”Pen …. can I ask you a serious question?”_

_Penelope nods, noticing that Cassie’s starting to fidget more than usual._

_“Does J-Josie…… does she know that you, uh, well,” Cassie stop talking and sniffs as she runs her index finger underneath her nose._

_“Cocaine?” Penelope deadpans and Cassie winces but then replies with, “yes, cocaine… not to mention your past with heroin and LSD.”_

_Penelope rolls her eyes, “Of course she doesn’t. Look, I love Josie with all my heart, but there are some things that she doesn’t need to know, nor do I want her to know. She’s fixer, and if she found out that I did any type drugs besides marijuana in the past or present, she’d tried to fix it or find a solution. There lies the problem as I don’t need to be fixed, and those drugs are an escape from reality. A solution to the numbness I feel inside, if you will. Why do you ask?”_

_“I told Rafael about my past with, um, drugs and such a couple months. He found me passed out at my house, and I felt so guilty because I never wanted him to see me like that you know? Anyways, we talked about and agreed to me getting clean but I haven’t been and I don’t want to be. I don’t know what to do about it.”_

_“Look, I am not sure how to give you advice about this as I haven’t been in this situation yet. But, just be honest with Raf. He is a fantastic guy, you know he will be understanding, and I am not just saying this because he is my best friend. As for getting clean, I would take some time to figure out if that something that you want. Becoming clean hard, but staying clean is harder. And you have to want to do it for yourself not anyone else. I am not trying to discourage you from getting, I admire you. I, honestly wish I had the willpower and determination to do it.” Penelope responds carefully._

_Cassie just nods, staring into space thoughtfully._

_Just then, Penelope gets a text message from Hope saying she ran out of gas and she needs to be picked up as she’s stranded. “Shit, I have to go to help Hope. She’s stranded somewhere. I’ll be right back, unless you want to go as well.”_

_Cassie blankly says, not noticing Penelope didn’t mention Maya, “I think I’ll stay here, I have a lot to think about. But, hey maybe we can finish this discussion when you get back.”_

_“We will definitely finish this later, I don’t know where she’s I should be back within the hour. Talk to you later, Cass. Bye.” Penelope states while grabbing her car keys and wallet, and quickly heading out the door._

_Forty-five minutes later, Penelope and Hope returned their apartment. “Thanks for coming to get me. Would you mind taking me to get my car tomorrow?”_

_“No problem, you know I got your back, Hope.” Penelope says while walking into the apartment, “Hey, Cass we’re back!” she shouts._

_No response._

_“Cass?” Penelope calls outs, then she turns to the living room and sees a body on the floor, unresponsive._

_“Cassie?!?” Penelope shouts as she and Hope run over to the girl laying on the floor next to a supply of white substances and small empty plastic bag, which Penelope instantly recognizes. She tries to checks Cassie pulse, and actually manages to find it (albeit very faint)._

_“Holy shit, is that cocaine? Where did she even get that?” Hope exclaims after she dialed 911 and explained what occurred and rattled off their address._

_Penelope didn’t respond, she just went straight into room and found that her locked safe was wide open. Guilt and dread filled her entire body, this was all her fault. She quickly dialed Rafael’s number to tell him what happened_

_Less than ten minutes later, the paramedics arrived at the apartment and transported Cassie in the ambulance to the hospital. Rafael, who had arrived within five minutes of Penelope’s call, had rode in the ambulance with her._

_Penelope and Hope called the rest of their group to let them know about Cassie. Everyone was at the hospital when they received the news that Cassie had died. Rafael broke down right then and there, luckily both Penelope and Landon caught him. Cassie’s official cause of death was a seizure induced by way of a drug overdose. Apparently, the cocaine that she ingested was cut with fentanyl._

_Later on that night, when they returned home from the hospital, Penelope excused herself from the group to get some “air”. When in reality, she went out to call her dealer, the one whom had met with Cassie. She tried to remain calm, but as soon as she heard the dealer voice she lost it and started cussing him out. That’s when she found out that Cassie hadn’t met her dealer, as he still had Penelope’s “supply” on hand. Apparently, Cassie had went elsewhere to obtain the acquired drug._

**_*** End of Flashback***_ **

Penelope was in tears as she finished recalling that night, and when she looked at Raf, she noticed the tears pouring down his face, he looked distraught. She cleared her throat, “That’s all that I can remember. That’s it, that’s the whole story.”

Rafael nodded in understanding, but didn’t say anything. Eventually, he got up and walked toward his collection and grabbed a CD entitled ‘To The Love I Found and Lost.’ As, Cassie preferred tangible CD’s and stereo speakers, instead of listening to music via bluetooth.

“To be honest, a couple days after Cassie died, I was so in denial. Of course you know, I mean, you were there for the first part of it. Anyway, I was so lost, I felt like I needed to write about it. So, I finished and recorded it within fifteen minutes” Rafael chuckles sadly, “I haven’t been able to listen to it since, but I want to now with you here.”

He placed the CD in his vintage boom box stereo and the songs he wrote about Cassie played:

_“The writing's on the wall right now  
And I'm way too involved somehow  
Shit I probably tore her heart right out  
At least that's how it feels right now (yeah)  
  
But we're holdin' on, we're holdin' on  
We say some words, we land them wrong  
Say what you need, then move along  
She said its 7 in the morning what'd you take me for  
  
Cassie's been waiting too long  
The drug in her veins is too strong  
She fell in love with the medicine she's on  
Yeah in a matter of minutes her mind's gone  
Cassie's been waiting too long  
Cassie's been waiting too long  
  
It's kinda hard to deal out there  
There's way too many feels out there  
She said not if you're a millionaire  
And I swear I fell in love right there (yeah)  
  
We take it off, we take it off  
She'll get me high but at a cost  
I see it in her eyes that girl is lost  
But Cassie if you stay with me I'll never stop  
  
Cassie's been waiting too long  
The drug in her veins is too strong  
She fell in love with the medicine she's on  
Yeah in a matter of minutes her mind's gone  
Cassie's been waiting too long  
Cassie's been waiting too long  
  
She built a world with her own two hands  
Well just give that a thought  
And she don't ever want to make no plans  
Cause she don't go outside no more  
She left a dent in my heart as she drove with her car into my life, though  
She tilt her head to the side, what a night, yeah  
And Cassie don't you overdose”_

Penelope was speechless, she didn’t really know how to respond to the song.

Rafael turned to her and said, “Thank you for telling me about everything. I guess, the only thing I want to know now if you are still doing them.”

She pondered for moment, wondering if she should just tell him the short or long answer to his query. Ultimately, Penelope had to be completely honest and get it all off her chest. She needed to tell someone, so she did. “No, I’m clean as of right now. However, I have to admit after Cassie died, I started ‘using’ increasingly more than I was prior to her death. Like almost every single day. That’s why I left, there was a great narcotics anonymous program in Belgium and I just needed to get away from here. So I did.” Penelope took a deep breath and looked into Raf’s eyes before divulging the secret she was afraid to admit, “After being in Belgium for two months and staying clean, I was about to graduate the program and come back home to face everyone. Well except for Ethan, since he decided to visit me while he was traveling the world for his photography. But-. ” Penelope stops talking, trying to formulate her thoughts. “They were everywhere,” she finally whispers.

“Who was every-…..” Rafael was about to ask, but then he realized, “Josie and Landon.”

“Everywhere I went, there was a reminder of their new formed relationship. New stories and updates about their relationships happened every day. I was angry, I hadn’t talked to Josie since I left that day. I knew that things wouldn’t be same when I returned, I just didn’t expect for her to move on so quickly. I was so angry and I didn’t want to hurt her, I don’t think. I just wanted know what it felt like to move on, if only just for the night.”

***

As Penelope and Rafael were so immersed in their conversation, they didn’t hear Landon come into the door. Landon, having heard the last couple of minutes of their conversation, realized that Penelope and Rafael hadn’t notice him. He pulled out his phone and began recording them, knowing the raven-girl was about spill something she had been hiding from Josie.

“Penelope what did you do?”

“Somehow, I came across a group of frat boys doing multiple lines of coke. They ask if I wanted a hit and I accepted. The next thing I know I ended up wandering the streets of Belgium, high off my ass running into an intoxicated Ethan coming out of some bar. Since we didn’t know where we were and as neither of us were in the right of mind, we got a room at some hostel. One thing lead to another and we ended up sleeping together.” Penelope confessed

“You slept with Ethan? As in “your girl’s” step-brother?” Rafael asked dumbfounded.

“She’s not my girl, she’s her own person, but yes, I slept with Ethan.”

Landon stopped the recording and silently walked out of the house. He waiting a few minutes, and re-entered the house; this time deliberately making enough noise to alert Penelope and Rafael of his presence.

After Penelope had left to go home, Landon wondered what he should do with her recorded confession. Surely, he should tell Josie about it. I mean, he is her doting “boyfriend,” so it would only be right. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassie- Chase Atlantic


	6. Count on You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mystic Destiny has a meeting, which may or may not be interrupted at some point by someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year's!! I promised myself I'd u but upload before the year is up. Enjoy!!!
> 
> Full transparency: There has been a lot stuff that happened personally in these last few months... uh, honestly I planned to have this chapter up in November, but then my dog was hit by a car the day I was finishing it. So, yeah needless to say I haven't been in the mood to write, but I finally got it done! Better late than never, I hope!

The next day, Penelope, Josie, Lizzie, Hope, Maya and Alyssa were sitting around a conference table waiting for Kym to arrive so they could begin the meeting about the girl group's next EP.

“So, not to be rude or anything, but Alyssa... what are you doing here? These meetings are typically private.” Josie decides to ask the newcomer.

“That’s what I want to know,”Lizzie says echoing her sister's sentiment.

Alyssa, who was entranced in her side conversation with Maya, looks to the twins and simply raises a single eyebrow. “They didn’t tell you?”

“Didn’t tell us what?” Josie hesitantly asks, as she sends a glance toward Penelope, who is currently wearing an unreadable expression.

“Well Saltzman twins, you are looking at the newest member of  ‘Mystic Destiny'” Alyssa says slyly. “Shall I reintroduce myself?” 

“Ha. Very funny, seriously why is she here?” Lizzie scoffs as she ignores Alyssa.

Before anyone could answer, Kym strides into the conference room, “Oh great everyone is already here.” 

“I would like to begin this meeting by saying how excited I am to have the dynamic fivesome back together again… plus one” Kym states as she winks at Alyssa. 

Lizzie, who sees this action, immediately shrieks and says, “Oh my g- she really is joining the group?”

“We wanted to tell you guys beforehand but- ” Maya finally joins in conversation, trying to sound as serious as she can.

“Tell us?! We should have been a part of that decision.” Josie exclaims seething slightly.

“It’s really not that big of a deal”

“We didn’t think either of you would mind.”

Hope and Penelope respond at the same time.

Lizzie and Josie glare at their counterparts respectively.

But before one of them could respond, Kym interrupts to put the twins minds at ease, “Woah woah, calm down! Twins…. Alyssa is NOT joining the group, not in any official capacity. Where would you get that idea anyway.”

At this point no one can hold in, so Penelope, Hope, Maya and Alyssa all burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, but the look on both of your faces was priceless” Penelope states after she is finished laughing.

“I bet.” Lizzie says annoyed with everyone involved in this so-called “joke”.... less so with Hope. Honestly, that’s only because she loves to see that gorgeous smile plastered across the auburn-haired beauty’s face, even if it’s at her own expense.

“So, why is she here” Josie asks, also not bemused by the situation, “again no offense to you, Alyssa.”

“None taken, although I would also like to know why I was asked to be here” Alyssa responds cheekily.

“Right…. well, I’ll let Penelope explain it to you since she came up with the idea.” Kym responds still confused at the previous conversation. “Penelope”

Alyssa faces Penelope, as everyone else in the room does, “Park, what are you up to?”

Penelope grins, and cryptically says, “You know while we were in Belgium, with everything I was going through at that time, you were there and you helped so much… I- I don’t think you realize how much.” Penelope forces herself to ignore the confused glances from Lizzie and Hope, the sympathetic stare from Maya, and finally the concerned gaze adorning Josie’s face. “The music we made together while there.....artistically speaking they’re some of the best songs I’ve ever made. I credit that all to you, you are a fantastic song-writer and producer. So, I am asking if you, Alyssa Chang, would maybe like to continue working with me and officially join our writing/producing team,” Penelope asks.

Alyssa doesn’t respond immediately as she takes a moment to collect herself because she can feel her eyes watering. She clears her throat and says, “Shouldn’t you ask the rest of your bandmates if they’re okay with that? You can't just make a decision like that by yourself.”

“Actually she can,” Hope jumps in and answers the question. “I mean, yes you’ll be working with all of us at some point but you would mainly be working with Penelope. All of us appointed someone who we would like to work with to the team.”

“Plus, I’m sure I can speak for everyone when I say that we’d love to have you…… on the team of course” Maya replies smoothly.

“I don’t particularly like you nor do I actively dislike you, so usually I wouldn't care either way. However, Hope seems to enjoy your company and I trust her judgement so welcome to the team I guess.” Lizzie states nonchalantly as Hope looks surprised at her words.

“The song you and Penelope wrote and performed when we all went out was beautiful, if the other songs you wrote together were half as good as that one then I am excited to work with you.” Josie says earnestly.

“So, what do you think?” Penelope asks and holds her hand out. “I think you’re stuck with me now” Alyssa responds as she shakes Penelope’s hand, “Not that you would have gotten rid of me in the first place.”

Penelope snorts at that, even though she knows that Alyssa’s right.

“I’ll get a contract drafted up for you to sign, welcome to the team Alyssa! Now, moving on the group's next project.You guys stated that you wanted to do a relationship theme over a four to five song EP. I was thinking we could start with a song about the first initial meeting, transition to a song about falling in love, a song or two about aspects of being in a relationship, and then end with a break up song. ”

“Sounds good to me,” Hope is the first to reply. The rest follow suit with their respective acknowledge agreements.

“Great, I think we can delegate the song topics among three pairs and you can write some songs as a group because unfortunately we have a short deadline-”

A knock on the conference door interrupts Kym mid-sentence, everyone looks toward the interruption and notices Landon standing there awkwardly, “Sorry for the disturbance, I was wondering if I can borrow Penelope for a second.”

Penelope furrows her brows while Josie stares at Landon suspiciously.

“Uh sure, Penelope go ahead. We’ll talk about the details and the rest of the group can fill you in later.”

Penelope hesitantly gets up from her seat and follows Landon out of the conference room to a secluded area.

***

Landon purposely leads Penelope to a blindspot in the building where no cameras can see them. He also checks to make sure that no one is around to overhear this conversation, then he finally turns to face Penelope.

“Why are you acting so shady? If you are going to kill me, you might want to do it somewhere else. You can’t get blood on this lovely carpet.” Penelope jokingly quips.

“Huh? I’m not going to kill you, I would never think about doing something that- why would you even say that?” Landon quickly replies.

“It's a joke, Kirby.”

“oh right, duh I knew that!”

Penelope rolls her eyes, ignoring him, “Is there a reason you wanted to talk to me? Or do you like wasting other people’s time, birdboy?”

Landon slightly glares at her and mumbles, “You know, you make it extremely hard to be nice to you.” He then pulls out his phone to open up his camera roll to that incriminating video, he presses play and shows Penelope the video.

The color drains from Penelope’s face as she watches the private discussion between herself and Rafael. Well, what she  _ thought  _ was a private discussion. “How did you get this?” She finally asked, voice trembling. Albeit Landon couldn’t tell if it was out of anger or fear.

“I took it.” Landon says simply, as he looked into her fiery green eyes. Anger, he thinks to himself. Definitely anger. ”I overheard you two talking, and before you ask why I took the video.... I don’t know why, something just told me to.”

“Something told- are you speaking to ‘Casper the friendly ghost’ now? Give me a break. I know exactly why you took the video. ” Penelope irately retorts.

“Josie.” They both say at the same time.

“I just wanted to protect her….but I invaded your privacy and for that I am sincerely sorry.” Landon firmly states.

Penelope nods her head a few times, and Landon thinks his apology is ultimately accepted. But, alas he is wrong because a second later Penelope raises her hand and smacks Landon across the face, very hard. “Ow, what the hell Penelope!”

“I don’t care about your apology, Kirby. Why did you even show me this, huh? Wanted to warn me before you show Josie?”

Landon sighs softly, while massaging his hurt cheek,“I’m not going to show her the video.”

“Yeah, right. Somehow I don’t believe you.”

“Look, despite what you apparently think about me, I’m a good guy, Penelope. I’m sorry if this is invading your privacy, but you need to tell Josie what happened in Belgium with Ethan sooner or later. Let me be clear, the only reason I am not showing her this video is because she needs to hear it from you and/or Ethan.” 

Penelope just looks him in the eyes , thinking about how to respond. Because he’s right, Josie does deserve to know the truth. “She does deserve to know, but it should come from me, Kirby. I don’t care if you’re a so-called “good guy”, and frankly I don’t think it matters that much. A “good guy” is capable of doing “bad” things… such as eavesdroping and recording someone else’s private conversation.”

Landon puts his hands (one of which contains his phone) in the air as a sign of surrender, “Fair enough, I am better than that. It was wrong of me and again I apologize. I just…. I didn’t want Josie to get hurt by you again. She was a mess after you left,” He holds out his phone, showing Penelope the screen as he erases the video from the phone’s memory.

Although Penelope is glad Landon erased the video, she can’t help feel guilty. Obviously, for sleeping with the love of her life’s step brother. But also, for hurting Josie before leaving for Belgium, even though she wasn’t the only one to blame for the breakup. Not to mention the hurt Josie will feel when she finds out the truth.

“You want to make it up to me? Love her with everything you have, and don’t break her as I so carelessly did. Don’t settle on being that “good guy” you claim to be…….be great man instead, for her. She deserves all the happiness in the world, and if you can do that, then I don’t need an apology.” Penelope exclaims before she walks away, back toward the conference rom with the rest of the girls.

Landon just stands there seemingly shocked by Penelope speech. It’s a few moments later when he realizes that Penelope doesn’t know that he and Josie are not actually dating. Hmm, now what should he do with this information?

***

“Hey, everything okay with Landon?” Josie asks as soon as Penelope walks back into the conference room.

“Hmm? Yeah, yeah everything’s fine. He just needed to talk to me about something.” Penelope says distantly. Josie noticed something was off with the raven-haired girl, but decided against pressing her about it. “Anyway, what did I miss while I was gone.”

“Well, to sum it up, we have an extremely short deadline for this EP because our fantastic manager Kym here is vying for us to have a performance slot at the National Music Awards. Apparently, we have a very good chance of being nominated this year! The nominations are being announced next week so I’m assuming we’ll know by then if we are performing. She wants us to pair up and have each pair write a song this week regarding the topics for the EP,” Hope summarizes the situation. 

“I suggested that the logical pairings would be you and Alyssa, Hope/Maya, and Josie/Lizzie.” Kym states.

Josie shrugs while Penelope replies, “Sound’s good to me,” when she feels a nudge in her left side. Which at this point could only be from Lizzie, as Penelope is the only other person around her but she’s on her right side.

“But, wouldn’t it make more sense for me and Pen to pair up and write the breakup song.” Josie grits out as she nudges Lizzie back. “I mean imagine a breakup song written by exes, it would be an interesting perspective.”

Penelope pretends to contemplate Josie’s words in order not to sound too eager to spend time with the brunette, “She’s not wrong, it’d be an interesting concept for a break-up song.” Then, Penelope smirks when glances between Hope and Lizzie. “Actually, it would also make sense to pair up Hope and Lizzie as their songwriting strong suits complement each other.”

When Hope realizes what Penelope is trying, she doesn’t know if she wants to kick her for being so obvious or kiss her as a form of a thank you. Lizzie, on the other hand, looks down right elated. “I agree, but that leaves Maya and Alyssa together, are you guys okay with that?”

“Absolutely,” Maya responds immediately.

“I’d be delighted,” Alyssa says as she winks at Maya. “Although, since we don’t know a lot about each other and are practically strangers, I suggest that we write about the initial meeting.” 

“Agreed.”

“So Liz, that leaves the song about falling in love or a song about being in the relationship itself. Pick your poison.” Hope says as she smiles at Lizzie.

“The relationship one,” Lizzie hesitates and nervously replies, “Actually I was going to mention this earlier, but I already wrote a song about falling in love. I even have everyone’s part lined up, if you guys like it maybe we could use that one.” She pulls several packets of sheet music from her large purse, and passes them around to everyone.

No one says a word as they are reading Lizzie’s lyrics, it is needless to say Lizzie was anxious to hear their feedback, one person in particular. It was the first song she wrote all by herself, and admittedly it was about Hope. 

Penelope finally broke the silence by saying, “Who knew Lizzie Saltzman was a sap.” 

“Shut up, she-devil,” Lizzie responds without hostility, as Penelope blows her an exaggerated kiss.

“It's a really great song, Liz,” Hope replies cheerily. Although, she is also wondering who the song is about.

Alyssa stares at the sheet and ponders out loud, “I think have the perfect instrumental for this.” She sits behind the spare keyboard in the corner and begins playing the instrumental. 

“Do you guys think you can sing it together to see how it sounds?” Kym says as Alyssa continues to play.

Without another word, Maya, Penelope, Josie, Lizzie, and Hope lined up across the conference room (as if they were giving a joint presentation), in front of Kym and began singing:

  
  


_ (Lizzie) _

Now I'm about to give you my heart,

But remember this one thing,

I've never been in love before,

So you gotta go easy on me.

_ (Hope) _

I heard, love is dangerous,

And once you fall you never get enough,

But the thought of you leavin',

Ain't so easy for me

_ (All) _

Don't hurt me,

Desert me, don't give up on me.

_ Josie _ : What would I want to do that for?

Don't use me,

Take advantage of me.

_ Lizzie _ : Make me sorry, I ever counted on you.

( _ All _ )

{1, 2, 3, 4, to the 5;  Baby I'm countin' on you} (4x).

( _ Hope _ ) 

Understand I've been here before,

Thought I found someone I finally could adore.

( _ Penelope _ ) 

But you failed my test,

Gotta know her better,

( _ with Lizzie _ ) So I wasn't the only one.

_ (Maya and Lizzie)  _

But I'm willin' to put my trust in you,

Baby you can put your trust in me.

_ (Penelope and Lizzie) _

Just at the count of three,

You can count on me,

And you're never gonna see.

( _ Josie _ )

No numbers in my pocket,

Anything I'm doin girl, I'll drop it for you.

_ (Maya and Lizzie) _

'Coz you're the one I'm givin' my heart to,

But I gotta be the only one.

_ {2nd Chrous} _

I really hope you understand that if you wanna take my hand,

( _ Maya _ )

That you should put yourself in my heart, I promise to be careful from the start

( _ Lizzie and Hope _ )

I trust in you with lovin' me very very carefuly, never been so vulnerable

( _ Lizzie and Maya _ )

Baby I'll make you comfortable

( _ All _ )

1, 2, 3, 4 to the 5 ( _ Lizzie _ : Yeah, Yeah).

_ Hope _ : Baby I'm countin' on you.

All: 1, 2, 3, 4 to the 5.

_ Lizzie _ : Why would I wanna do that? Hey yeah. ( _ Penelope _ : Oh no).

All: 1, 2, 3, 4 to the 5.

_ Josie _ : Baby I'm countin on you.

All: 1, 2, 3, 4 to the 5.

_ Lizzie _ : You.

_ Lizzie _ : Now I'm about to give him my heart,

So remember this one thing,

I've never been in love before,

Yeah, you gotta go easy on me ( _ Josie _ : Yeah)

*** 

Kym starts clapping as soon everyone is done singing and Alyssa stops playing. “That never gets old. Alright, I think this meeting is adjourned, you all are free to go! Except for Josie, I need you to stick around for a second. Everyone else, I will see you later and please get started on the songs. Don’t wait until the last minute!” 

“Aye aye, captain” Penelope says seriously as she salutes Kym, who in turn rolls her eyes.

Hope grins and proclaims loudly, “I can’t hear you!”

Before Penelope has the chance to repeat her statement, Lizzie stops them, “Absolutely not, we’re not doing this, I have places to be and Hope you are coming with me.” She drags Hope out of the conference room before she can protest, not that she would.

Penelope, Maya, Alyssa are all laughing at Lizzie’s antics as they grab their things and leave the room. 

Josie, who was also chuckling at her sister, waits until everyone is out of sight before asking, “So, what do you want to talk about?”

“Josie.. you know that I care about you and Penelope equally. So, just know this comes from the heart when I ask, are you sure it’s the best idea to write this song with Penelope?” Kym asks skeptically.

“Why wouldn’t it? Maybe writing a song together about the breakup and our feelings is just what we need to get back track!” Josie responds with an easy smile on her face.

Kym looks at her slightly confused, “I just- I wouldn’t want there to be any drama.”

“I promise you there won’t be”

“I highly doubt that” Kym mutters and Josie looks at her questioningly. “Do you not remember our last conversation?”

Josie pensively thinks back to their last conversation, “ Yeah, we were talking about the next phase of “Jandon”. About how Landon is supposed to visit me for photo opps during my next writing and studio sess-“ Josie stops talking when she realizes what Kym was worried about. “No no no no, not happening. Can’t you reschedule or cancel it?”

“NO! I already “tipped” of the reporters and paparazzi, how do you think it would look for us to rescind that, Josie. The media is game, and we’re winning”

“Great, so you mean to tell me that I have to write a breakup song with my ex (whom I am still in love with) and my fake boyfriend has to be in attendance in the studio?” Josie asks pitifully.

Kym gives her a sorrowful glance, “ I’m sure Penelope understands the importance of PR and media. I don’t think she would do anything to out your fake relationship.” Kym says in an effort to comfort her.

Josie grimaces, “She doesn’t exactly know that Landon and I are faking it.”

Kym deeply sighs and put her hand on her face, “ What are the chances Landon and Penelope buried the hatchet when they talked today.”

“Fairly low, she looked out of it when she returned. She definitely seemed upset about something, what ever they talked about had to be something serious.”

“You, Josie…… you already know they were talking about you. What else would they have to talk about?”

“I don't know. Look, I know I should’ve told her the truth about Landon and I. But, everytime i’m around her, especially when we’re alone, I forget about everyone and everything around me. She steals my focus, I can’t help it!” Josie exclaims.

“So, how are you gonna deal with this situation?” Kym asks.

Josie grunts slightly, “I’ll invite someone else to studio with us, in order to distract Penelope while Landon and I appease the reporters. After they leave, I’ll finally tell Penelope the truth about Landon.”

“This is going to be a shitshow, isn’t it?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Count on You- Big Time Rush ft. Jordin Sparks

**Author's Note:**

> All I Need- *NSYNC (unreleased)


End file.
